When the world said no, I said next. Never in my life had I
stepped foot on a massive stage, in fact it sent shivers down my spine and the
thought of it made me physically sick. For once when I say that I'm not just
being dramatic because this is truly how much I fear being on stage. Somehow,
something had changed, I knew this was a significant turning point, my life was
going to change dramatically- I didn't quite know how, but I knew that in a few
months or a year I'd be a very different person leading a very different life
and I was 100% right.
When Mrs Butler suggested entering the Environmental Youth
Speak 2015 at Newtownards Town Hall, I looked at her as if she was absolutely
crazy- more than usual haha! My eyes nearly rolled out of my head saying “are
you being serious?” She knew how much I doubted myself and how anxious I was,
but she wasn't joking. Someone believed in me. REALLY? I mean my family did of
course, but a secondary school teacher actually believed I could pursue my
dream and voice my opinion confidently in front of an audience. Was she crazy?
Perhaps, but I'm glad! I was nervous and overwhelmed, but just like the move to
Nendrum, I had to do it. It was a risk, but I had nothing to lose- I was broken
already.
I remember arriving at the Town Hall telling Mrs Butler “I
can't do this,” but she looked into my eyes and said “Katie, yes you can!” I
wasn't convinced, but no one had ever pushed or encouraged me quite like this
before. When my name was called, I felt sick, I couldn't breathe, but this was
my moment “this is my time, I'm going to kick anxiety's but and I'm going to
show the world who I REALLY AM,” I told myself. My granda, mum, Mrs Butler and
Anya were spurring me on, but nothing would have prepared me for what happened
next, my name was announced as the secondary school winner, I was through to
the regional level. This couldn't be real. I mean I had always dreamed of being
a public speaker, changing the word, but that's the thing- it was just a dream.
I wanted to drop out as I knew my audience would only grow at the next stage
and therefore, my risk of a panic attack became almost very certain. Also, the
next round was only a few weeks away, 10th March!
Surprisingly, once again on 10th March 2015 I delivered my
food waste speech, but this time in a slightly bigger room in Lisburn Civic
centre. I was going to faint, this was too much, but somehow, I got through.
I'M A SURVIVOR! The adjudicators took what felt let weeks to make a final
decision and this was when I took a few moments to reassure myself that I would
never have to do my speech again- I COULD RELAX YIPEE. BUT THEN… my name was
called out “Katie Graden, Nendrum College, you will be delivering your speech
again very shortly in the main auditorium.” “WHAT!” A frightened voice exclaimed
in my head! I remember telling Mrs Butler and my mum “I am not doing it, I'll
just walk out, wait until you see- I will.” Before I knew it, I was delivering
my food waste speech for what I thought was the last time, in the main
auditorium in front of an audience of 400+. I had a microphone and there were
video cameras. Walking onto that stage was so nerve wracking- I was shaking and
sweating, but no more than Mrs Butler and mum. I mean it was expected of my
mum, but not the chilled-out Mrs Butler! I was terrified, but I couldn't back
down now- I mean I had a lot of people to prove wrong!! I've never been more
shocked by myself- my sheer determination to not back down without a fight was
something that I'd never ever experienced. The new Katie began to emerge! That
day was the day that changed my life forever, I came 3rd in N.I senior section
for the Environmental Youth Speak 2015. I mean a few months ago, I firmly
refused to do class speeches.
Coming back to school was a phenomenal experience. I remember
my principal delaying the progression of a Board of Governors meeting to
congratulate me. It was AWESOME!! I loved my trophy, this felt unreal, but
that's the thing it was real! Not long after, I found myself delivering my
speech once again in assembly. In year 8, I was known as a shy student who
lacked self-belief, now I was known as Katie Graden, the public speaker. What
did they say? The public speaker, NO! The world was now screaming YES, I'd done
it! But this was only the beginning… the step I needed to a series of
challenges that were leading me to my new life.
The point
is you can do anything- you are so much stronger than you think and one step
could and will change your life. Turn those dreams into an action plan and that
action plan into reality!!!
P.S feel free to visit my speech on YouTube- Environmental Youth Speak 2015 Katie Graden!
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